In regards to the gays...

WITH the latest hullaballoo regarding our beloved gays being able to get married, I offer these following points:

1. I love the gays. Despite the divas, my gay friends are the most loyal, kindest, friends I could hope for. Besides which, I will fully admit that although I am an exceedingly snappy dresser, I could never pull off a lavender leather vest. Fashionista, I am not.

2. I envy the gays. There are days that I truly wish that I could pull off a paisley shirt, but alas, I lack the requisite fabulousness to do so. And lest I forget my favorite lesbians (of which I had two roommates in college), I really want to be better at golf and softball. Forget better at softball – I want to be cognizant of the very basic mechanics of the game.

3. I am a dyed in the wool, card carrying commie, pinko, hippie, left-wing nut-job when it comes to the gays. Referring back to my first point – I love them. But the fact remains, if you hate them – that’s your business. There were loads of people who knew that the earth was not only flat, but the center of the Universe. I hate the peasants – especially Peasants 1-3 – but this does not mean that I do not wish them the ability to proceed as I have been given the right to do. If you hate the gays, that probably means I hate you too, but I am not going to stop you from getting married, adopting a child, etc. I was watching The Birdcage earlier, and there was a line that struck me. When Val was explaining to Armand, his father, that he was getting married and that Armand was an incredible role-model, Val stated that “I was one of my only fraternity brothers to not come from a broken home.” Love it.

4. I firmly believe that homosexuality is 99% of the time genetic. (That 1% is just for the kids trying to piss off Daddy.) Years ago, as the earth was flat, so too were the African Americans less capable. And to that end, just like there were “white’s only” signs in the 1950’s, I truly hope that there are no “straight’s only” signs (metaphorically so) in 2020.

5. The “dyed in the wool, card carrying commie, pinko, hippie, left-wing nut-job” applies only to the gays. Love them. Hate poor people. Don’t even get me started.